


Baby Steps

by AriaGrill



Series: Heartbeat [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Bathing/Washing, Body Image, Body Worship, Bucky Barnes Bingo 2020, Established Relationship, Fluff, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Relationship Discussions, Smut, Stucky Bingo 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:15:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27713950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AriaGrill/pseuds/AriaGrill
Summary: Steve and Bucky had been dating for a while, and they'd been wanting to 'get together' for just as long. Every time they got the chance, Steve stopped everything dead in its tracks.One day, Bucky brought it up him, and the answer wasn't exactly what he was expecting, so Bucky made it his mission to prove to Steve just how much he loved him and his body.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Heartbeat [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1936336
Comments: 5
Kudos: 29
Collections: Bucky Barnes Bingo 2020, Kinky Things Happen, MCU Kink Bingo Round 5, Stucky Bingo 2020





	Baby Steps

**Author's Note:**

> 3000+ words? I'm screaming, this is my longest one shot I've written!
> 
> This fic can be read as stand alone, but is in the same universe/timeline as my fic 'Nothing Could Ever Change'.

Steve sadly looked at himself in the mirror, running his fingers over every imperfection, minor, major, and perceived, and those flaws were holding him back. Every time he or Bucky tried to initiate something more than making out or heavy petting, Steve would panic and shut down, but never actually communicate anything about it. He didn’t notice Bucky walk up behind him until he showed up in the mirror.

“Buck,” Steve jumped.

“Hey, Stevie,” Bucky greeted as he walked up behind him and ran his hands over Steve’s bicep. He could tell Steve looked like he was going to cry, but was struggling to keep it in. “What do you see?”

“Too pale skin that makes bruises stick out way too much and it’s grossly tight over my bones,” Steve started off.

“Steve-” Bucky started to say, but Steve continued.

“Scars. Too many fucking scars,” which was a weak point, especially considering the one on his chest is the reason he’s alive, and the others are self inflicted, either by always needing to be in a fight, or his self harm, and Steve was nowhere near ready to stop or change any of that.

“Can’t you say something nice about it?”

“No.”

“You never did like your body much, did you?”

“What’s there to like?” Steve sighed as he turned around to talk to his boyfriend.

“If you give me some time, I can write a novel of reasons why for ya,” Steve chuckled at the remark, but his expression fell when he saw how serious Bucky was. “You can say no for whatever reason you want to, but I gotta ask- Is the reason you don’t want to have sex with me have to do with your body?”

“You think I don’t- I’ve wanted to have sex with you for years, Buck, you know that.”

“Then why?” He pleaded. “Like I said, all you gotta do is say no and I’ll drop it, but if you want to have sex with me, why don’t we?”

“I-” Steve tried to say, but remembered what Bucky said before about needing to communicate, and Steve’s own promise to do so. “You’re right, It goes back to the body thing. Having my pants off is just a whole other thing. It’s just that _every_ part of me is small.”

“Small, what are you… oh,” he trailed off then realized what he was talking about. “I could do you, or if you’re micro you can use a strap on or a dildo or something on me. There are a million other things we could do. Sex isn’t just penitration.”

“N-No, I’m not micro. I wanna be the one to do you. I want penetration, if that’s okay.”

“Then what’s wrong?” 

“I’m just… I’m barely above four inches.”

Bucky blinked in confusion. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“And what, you aren’t hiding a large banana in your pants, and that makes you think he shouldn’t have sex?” Steve slowly nodded. He could read him like a book. “Because you’re worried that you won’t be able to satisfy me, right?” another small nod. Bucky couldn’t help but burst out laughing, and he knew Steve would try to run away, so he grabbed his bicep. “Steve, I get off on just my fingers all the time, I’m pretty sure you can do the job. Besides, four inches is just below average, then there's this whole mental/emotional that some paralyzed people can actually orgasm despite not actually feeling it down there, not to mention that you still got a few years to have your body grow, especially your penis. You’re fine.”

“I didn’t know any of that,” Steve exasperated a breath as he pushed his hair back, trying to hide his embarrassment. “I feel like such a fucking idiot.”

“Come on, Steve, you aren’t an idiot,” He tried to reassure him. “You told me multiple times that you share a computer in the main room with your ma, so it’s not like you could look this sort of thing up for yourself.”

“Yeah, but who did I go to when I had no clue why my peepee was hard for the first time?”

“Me?” He asked hesitantly, unsure if he was being rhetorical or not.

“You- My best friend,” Steve poked Bucky’s chest. “Can’t exactly talk to my best friend about relationship advice when I’m in a relationship with him.”

“Well, you know other guys like Sam or Ton-” He caught himself when he’d realized what he’d been saying. “Right, sorry, stupid thing to say. Point is, this is the sort of thing you talk about in relationships with your partner. Remember that you promised that you’d communicate more.”

Steve hesitantly smiled and nodded. “It’s all still new to me, you know?”

“You forget there was a time when all this was new to me too,” Bucky put his hands on Steve’s hips. “And I didn’t love them, nor would they probably have done everything they could to make sure I was comfortable,” Bucky explained. “We don’t ever have to do anything. Kissing and cuddling is all I could ask from you.”

“I know,” Steve shyly smiled. “I’ve jerked off before and really liked it. I want you to touch me, and I really hope I can fuck you soon. Please don’t think I don’t want that.”

Bucky turned Steve around so he was looking at himself in the mirror again and kissed the crook of his neck as he ran his fingers over the scar he had from his heart surgery when they were kids. Steve smiled, as he remembered when he was recovering. “Do you remember what you did when you learned the reason I was out of school was because I had heart surgery and was held up at home and the hospital for over a week before that?”

“Yeah, your mom wouldn’t let me see you because of the obvious health concerns, but little me didn’t know the full consequences or risks of you being around other people, I just knew you were sick, and didn’t think it was different than any other time. You always liked it when I visited you, and I hated that I couldn’t, because I thought you’d be sad or scared without me.”

“I was, in a way. The cabin fever didn’t help my loneliness, but you did.”

“I started camping outside your apartment everyday. The building started to get complaints about this weird homeless kid sitting outside your apartment,” Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve's waist and looked at him in the mirror. “Your mom finally caved and made a rule that I needed to shower with that awful chemical soap before seeing you. Fuck if that didn’t hurt and burned my little eyes out when it got in there, but my only thought was that if my Stevie could handle surgery like that, to always be that sick but manage to smile, I could be the same for you.”

“Your Stevie,” he chuckled. “I’ve always been yours, haven’t I?”

“And I’ve always been yours,” He kissed his boyfriend's cheek. “I just wish I noticed that sooner,” he smiled sadly, but quickly changed the subject back. “When we finally saw each other, I don’t think to this day I’d seen you happier,” Bucky continued. “You showed me this dumb comic you drew where we were superheros, and I was your plucky sidekick, like you weren’t the bravest and strongest kid I knew, and I wasn’t already your sidekick.” 

“I’m not strong, Buck,” Steve protested. “Pretty sure this is proof of that,” He gestured to the scar over his heart, which Bucky flatly placed his hand over.

“It’s proof that you are. Most _adults_ would just let go, roll over, and die to be at peace with a fraction of what you have. You are too damn stubborn to die, so you fight. You will throw hands at anyone who looks at you the wrong way. Nobody can fight like you do and not be strong.”

“That was one time, Bucky, let it go,” Steve chuckled.

He smiled as he squeezed him lightly as he finished the story. “I fell asleep that night at your place. My parent’s either didn’t know, or didn’t give a shit that I was gone all night. You may sometimes hate your mom for caring too much, but you're damn lucky to have her,” Bucky couldn’t help but laugh. “And I knew about cabin fever, or at least that fresh air was important, so I managed to convince you to sit out with me on the fire escape, and I kissed you on the cheek,” Bucky bitterly laughed and shook his head. “Well, more like the corner of your mouth really.”

“I may have turned my head a bit,” Steve adoringly smiled up at him. “But it does feel good knowing I was your first kiss.”

“I could’ve killed you by bringing you out there,” Bucky whispered. “I could’ve been sick or had normal microbes that could’ve hurt you, or someone could’ve been smoking and you couldn’t have handled an asthma attack in your state.”

“If I did, I would’ve felt nothing but happy and alive up to that point. You’ve always made me feel that way, and treated me like I was normal. I think it’s one of the reasons why I fell in love with you, because that’s all I want and ever wanted from you or anyone, and other than my mom, you’re still the only one that does.”

“Really? I always thought it was my charm or ability to keep you from getting your face bashed in too badly that you fell in love with me.”

Steve rolled his eyes and continued onto the story. “When we fell asleep, you put your hand over my bandages because in your kid mind you thought it would protect and make me better or something. It worked then, and it still works, because it really does make me feel safer,” Steve muttered before they stared at each other in silence in the mirror for a few moments. Bucky broke it by turning Steve around and tenderly kissing him, and spreading his hand over his chest. 

“Tell me to stop if you want me to, okay?” Bucky whispered and Steve nodded. 

“I will,” Steve agreed, and Bucky grinned as he moved slowly to his jaw and neck, and then kissed the top of the scar on his chest, and slowly moved downwards. When he reached the bottom, he made his way back up by a single slow lick, which caused Steve to shutter a moan.

“Like that?” 

“Yes,” Steve whimpered. 

“Want more?”

“Please,” His prideful Steve’s begging being one of the greatest things he’d ever heard.

“What more do you want, Steve?”

“Touch me.”

“Touch you where? Do you want me to touch your big fat cock?” Steve nodded eagerly. “Come on, Stevie, use your words.”

“Please touch my cock, Bucky,” Steve begged. 

“What kind of dick do you have, Steve?” His mind fogged and he shook his head. “Stevie,” Bucky warned. 

“Please touch my big fat cock,” Steve whined, and was almost silent on a few of the words, but it was good enough for him.

Bucky turned Steve around to look at himself in the mirror, and he slowly made his way down to the waistline of Steve’s pants. He started to squirm at how long he was taking, and he held onto Steve’s hip to stop him. “Come on, baby, you need to be patient, I know what I’m doing,” Bucky stepped backwards and kept Steve from turning around. “Don’t move or touch yourself. You can look at me through the mirror, but keep your eyes on it,” he kissed the back of Steve’s ear. “You aren’t allergic to coconut, are you? You never said if you were or not.”

“No, I’m not. Why?”

“You’ll see,” Bucky smirked as he left the bathroom, and came back a minute later, shirtless. As soon as Bucky came back with a jar of coconut oil, Steve turned around and asked, “What’s that for?”

“Lube. It helps reduce friction and makes it easier Makes things feel better too,” Bucky explained. “Is it okay that I took my shirt off?”

“It is,” Steve smiled as he ran his hands over Bucky’s chest. His skin is soft but firm from the muscle underneath it. “Probably would’ve asked you to take it off anyway,” he kept pawing and staring at his chest and abs long enough to make it slightly awkward, so Bucky grabbed his wrists.

Bucky kissed Steve’s cheek. “You sure you wanna do this, Steve?”

“Yeah, I do,” Steve eagerly nodded. “Promise,” Bucky turned him around once more, so he could look at himself.

“Okay, just know we can stop whenever you want,” Bucky undid Steve’s zipper and pulled his pants down, and smiled at Steve’s half hard dick. “Come on, you aren’t even fully hard and I can barely tell your below average,” Bucky grasped Steve’s cock, and he loudly moaned as he turned his head to look at him. “Don’t look at me, I want you to look at yourself in the mirror, can you do that for me?” Steve nodded and did as he asked, and Bucky praised him. “That’s it, that’s my Stevie, don’t take your eyes off the mirror. I want you to see how beautiful you look.” Bucky stoked him a few times before dipping his hand into the oil and coating Steve’s dick in it. He fell back to lean on Bucky’s chest, and was sure to not look away from himself in the mirror for fear he would stop. They both loved how they felt skin to skin.

His eyes fell to Bucky’s hand on him. He still hated his body, and how small his dick looked in Bucky’s massive hand. How his body overall looked against his, but loved how it looked overall and felt, and how their bare bodies were pressed against each other. Bucky moved his free hand to cup Steve’s balls. He cried out in pleasure and thrusted into his hand, and felt a shiver down his spine when he saw Bucky’s smile and lowly chuckle in his ear. “You wanna fuck my hand yourself?”

Steve shook his head, and made a whining sound as he ground his bare ass against Bucky’s sweatpants covered erection. Bucky growled at Steve’s teasing, but was like the floodgates were broken when he gave him permission, “It’s okay, Bucky, I want you to feel good too.”

Bucky locked eyes with Steve in the mirror as he wrapped his arm around Steve’s waist to hold onto him as he humped his ass. As soon as Steve was leaking pre-come, Bucky sucked on his jaw, smiling at the thought of it turning into a beautifully dark bruise that will greatly contract his pale skin, which was exactly what Steve hated about his body, and Bucky wanted Steve to reclaim that part of himself. The blood thinners made it much easier. Steve quitely whimpered as Bucky rhythmically grinded on his ass and picked up speed with his hand. Bucky moaned Steve’s name and bit his jaw as he reached his orgasim and came in his pants. 

When Steve reached his own orgaism, his mouth dropped and his entire body shook as he silently came over Bucky’s hand and the mirror. Bucky grinned like a madman in his afterglow, and Steve panted for a moment before he burst out crying. He turned around and buried his face in Bucky’s chest to try and hide, but Bucky kept him back. “Steve, Stevie, hey, what’s wrong, look at me?”

“Crying after a handjob,” Steve shook his head. “How fucking pathetic is that,” he bitterly spat as he wiped his eyes, but Bucky cupped his face and shook his head as he chuckled.

“No, no it’s not, baby, you did great, I’m so proud of you, you’re perfect,” Bucky leaned down to kiss the corner of his mouth. “I love you, I love you so fucking much, Steve,” Bucky desprately tried to comfort him, and he pulled Steve in for a hug to let him cry it out, rubbing his back and wrists the entire time. Bucky got tissues off the counter and wiped Steve's eyes. He hissed when Bucky wiped off his dick of come and coconut oil.

“Did you finish?” Steve asked after he managed to calm down.

“I did, yeah,” Bucky grinned. “You barely even touched me and I jizzed, that’s an incredible effect to have on someone,” Steve looked away with a shy smile. “Come on, let’s take a bath. Unless you’re too manly and tough to take one.”

“Shut up,” Steve tried to say angrily but he couldn’t while looking back at Bucky’s adoring face and goofy grin. Bucky kissed Steve’s hairline before he walked over to turn the water of the tub on, and then moved to get a basket and towels from under the sink.

“I got bath bombs and bubble bath if you want any,” he informed as he got them from under the sink, and laughed when Steve gave him a strange look. “I like to feel good and pamper myself sometimes, sue me.”

“You just pick them up one day or what?”

“Ellie got some as a gift a few months back. She started hating ‘girly’ stuff overnight, so she gave them to me. I tried them out, and it smelt nice and made my skin feel good,” He checked the water and found the temperature to be perfect, so he plugged the drain. “So what do you say?”

“I’ll try the bath bomb, both would be a bit much if I have an allergic reaction, I’d like to know what caused it,” he went over to the basket to look around. 

“I like that one the most,” Bucky pointed to a red bomb. “It smells like roses and has petals in them. It’s all aesthetic looking when it’s in the bath.”

“Sure,” Steve replied and Bucky smiled as he handed it to him.

“Do you want to lean on me or me lean on you?”

“You want to take it together?”

Bucky shrugged. “Yeah, nothing wrong or sexual about that, unless you want to get freaky again.

“No, I’m good for now,” Steve laughed. “I’d love to have you lean on me” 

“Okay,” Bucky agreed as he slid his pants off and wiped his come off himself with a tissue. He looked up and noticed Steve was staring, and when he was caught he quickly looked away. “Steve, you can look at me however you want.”

“I know,” Steve muttered before looking back at him. “You’re big,” Bucky slumped his head and sighed. 

“You do get that I love you and every single part of your body, right?” Bucky said as he pushed Steve’s hair off his forehead to kiss it. “You can take all the time you need to be ready, if you ever are, but if you don’t get by now that I love and want every single part of you, mind, body, and soul exactly how it all is, I don’t know what to tell you or where we’ll go from here,” he handed Steve the bath bomb, who through it in the tub and watched it fizz up.

“Thank you, Buck, even if that’s super cheesy and cringy,” Steve smiled as he got into the tub, and Bucky soon after him. Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky’s chest and smiled at each other in silence. They sat and soaked together, making small talk about nothing until the water ran cold. Steve wanted to stay longer, but Bucky could hear the shivering in his voice, so he ended it there. He got out of the tube and unplugged it as he helped Steve up as he wrapped him in a fluffy towel. Bucky’s heart squealed when he saw him snuggled up to it.

“Do you want me to carry you?”

“Please?” Bucky did so as he carried him bridal style the few feet to his bedroom. He laid him gently on the bed before he got a pair of drawstring pajama pants and a nightshirt and handed them to Steve. He put on his own pair of pants, and set Steve’s nightly pills for him.

“Do you need any of your extras?”

“Yeah, I’m a bit nauseous and the tub killed my back.”

Bucky nodded and also got out his painkillers and antiemetics. He handed them to Steve and got under the covers and faced each other.

“Did you call your mom this morning to say you were spending the night?” Bucky asked.

“I did, yes, thank you for asking, dad.”

“Daddy?”

“No,” Steve deadpanned. “No, I hate you,” he burst out laughing as he covered his face.

“I love you too, Stevie,” Bucky laughed too as he pulled Steve to his chest. “You should call her though, just to check in.”

“You call your mom?”

“No, because that bitch can choke,” he leaned to reach for Steve’s phone and handed it to him. “Call her,” Steve did so, and had an uneventful conversation, and when he was done, Bucky was smiling the entire time.

“What?” Bucky kissed Steve’s neck, which caused him to laugh, “What?”

“You’re only half a virgin now. Not at all, depending on how some see it,” Steve gasped and practically smacked Bucky across the face, who only held him closer.

“Do we have to go to school tomorrow, Buck?”

“Sorry, Steve, but yes, we have to.” Steve whined as he ran his hand in Bucky’s hair and played the puppy face. “Do you want to tell people about us?”

“No,” Steve quickly said before correcting himself. “One day, I promise, but… Not yet.”

“Then we need to go tomorrow. It’ll be weird that you stay the night at my place, we both are absent from school, and I manage to show up to work tomorrow?”

“You and your work,” Steve grumped. “Can’t you take off from that too?”

“I need the money, Steve, but if you wanna give me the money I’d be missing, sure.”

“How much?”

“‘Bout a hundred.”

“Dollars?”

“Yeah, Steve, dollars. I know it seems like a lot, but when you need to pay for rent and food and everything else yourself, it isn’t much, but it does matter.”

Steve bit his lip and played with Bucky’s chest hair. “Can we cuddle after school?”

“Yeah, of course. I’d have hour or so before I’d have to go to work.”

“It’s a date, then,” Steve beamed. “I love you, Bucky.”

“Love you too, Stevie,” Bucky kissed the top of his head and they both soon fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Square filled for the following bingos: 
> 
> @mcukinkbingo G4 - frottage  
> @buckybarnesbingo - U1 Bathing  
> @kinky-things-happen B1 - Mirror Sex  
> @stuckybingo2020 B4 - Skinny Steve  
> @stb-bingo B1 - Bathing


End file.
